Well, are we just gonna keep driving on
until this car stops like the other one?
I'm open to suggestions -
but I'd say we have to find one of those space shuttles
that they use on this planet.
Well, do you know where to find one?
Not exactly.
Kai, do you remember where they keep those space shuttles?
Who would you like me to -
would you like -
me to like?
Well, he's not gonna help.
His protoblood seems to be failing completely, Stanley.
We have to get him back to the Lexx, soon.
- Soon as let soon. - Well, I know!
We should never have let Gordon and
that stupid Skankita steal our moth.
Oh yeah, was that my fault?
- Well - - If we can't get Kai back to the Lexx
then at least we have to find a new freezer
- to put him in. - So, so, so...
So you don't have a plan,
- we're just gonna go nowhere? - Yeah.
Why are you stopping?
All the cars are stopping.
They must want to ask that guy a question
or something, I don't know.
Oh boy, this is -
- What? - Look, could you please
just get out of our way? We're in a hurry, OK?
This won't take long.
- What won't take long? - This!
FBI! Hands off the wheel, now!
Kai, Kai!
Wheel - the wheel -
- wheel... Wheel... - That's not gonna help, Kai
Now, lady.
Don't do it Xev, don't do it, don't do it!
Oh boy.
Look, whatever it is that
you think we did, we didn't do it, OK?
Look, we gotta get back to the Lexx,
OK, because Kai's gotta get more protoblood.
Look,
we'd go up there ourselves,
except that this guy
and his stupid girlfriend stole our moth.
Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
He smells familiar.
Didn't we meet before, you know, some other planet
or something?
No?
Let's go.
Let them out Fred over there.
OK gentlemen, over here -
form a line.
Gimme your weapon.
- Gimme your weapon! - Kai, you have to help us.
Yeah, come on Kai, come on. Wake up,
wake up, save us Kai!
Wakey wakey time.
Xev, do that Cluster lizard thing on them.
I'm tied up, and he's got a gun!
- Sir, this is - - I'm aware.
I'm very aware. Gentlemen, I want you
to turn around - you don't wanna see this.
I can't watch either, I can't.
Sir, Look, I'm Stanley H Tweedle,
I'm captain of the spaceship Lexx,
I'm an Ostral B hero,
I fought against His Divine Shadow
and the Divine Order, and I don't wanna die!
Lexx 4.16 Moss Please, don't kill me!
Lexx 4.16 Moss Goodbye Stan.
He -
he -
- he - - We - he -
David sends his regards.
OK,
let's go.
- Hey, let's go! - O... O... OK,
OK, OK.
Come on Kai.
No no no no no,
I'm not signing any bills today -
and I don't care how many are piling up, I'm busy.
No - can't you give them to someone else to sign?
Look, just use that rubber stamp thing
with my signature on it and veto all the bills.
Yes!
No no no no no, I don't want to read them.
Yes, that's right.
Just use the stamp and veto them. Bye!
- You're it! - Yes, I am it.
I think my show's on.
Let's watch TV.
It's so good not having Prince around anymore.
I can watch television any time I want.
Of course you can, silly -
you're the President.
Hey, isn't that Vietnam?
I don't know, perhaps.
Weren't you hiding out in the jungle
for 32 years or something?
Yes. 32 Long years.
You know, I kept going by
remembering my childhood -
boy scout,
apple pie,
church strippers.
You had naked women
in your congregation?
Er - church, eh -
Church. Suppers!
Good good good good good.
Oh, it must have been terrible
in the jungle.
I want you to explore
my jungle.
Will you do that Mr President?
Oh yes,
yes I will, yes
yes yes yes yes.
But we can't Bunnykins.
You remember.
We don't want to lose the key to the Lexx.
Oh! This is so frustrating!
I mean,
who cares about the stupid key
to the Lexx anyway?
You're the President
of the United States.
Isn't that enough?
You are right. We have waited long enough.
I am the President,
you are the First Lady.
We can do whatever
we want.
I want you Mr President -
right now.
I want you too, Mr President -
right now.
My prince.
Prince?
You - you came back to life.
No, not exactly.
I think that I am truly dead -
and yet here I am, on TV.
- How did you get there? -I'm not sure.
I was killed by Kai on the Lexx,
and the next thing you know -
here I am. Funny, isn't it?
Huh! It sure is.
Are you on all TVs,
or just this one?
I think just this one,
but I'm not sure.
My signal's fading, Mr President.
Stay tuned to this channel.
Of course, of course. We will stay tuned to this channel.
Oh, and one more thing
- Yes yes my Princ. - no hanky panky
with honey bunny licky lips.
We wouldn't want to do anything that would cause her
to lose the key to the Lexx now,
- would we? - No no no no no, of course
- not, my prince. - No.
Cheerie bye.
Cheerie bye, bye bye.
Don't worry, number one Bunnykins -
we'll do some hanky panky later.
- So who's David? - Shut up.
David Koresh.
He was a pastor of the Branch
Davidian Church in Waco, Texas -
until he was murdered by the Federal Government,
April 19th, 1993.
Look, are you gonna kill us too?
You working for the Federal Government?
No, we're from a parallel universe.
Well, that's good -
me too.
- Remember Waco. - Forever.
Are you dangerous?
- No! - Sometimes.
Uncuff them.
I'm Field Commander Moss,
of the American Freedom Rangers.
Welcome to my headquarters.
Now -
how can I help you?
You can get us a space shuttle
so that we can fly back to the Lexx.
I think that might be possible -
but how can you help me?
- What do you want? - To destroy the beast
that infects the government of this once
- proud land. - What beast?
You tell me.
The President. The Congress.
And particularly the Bureau
of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms,
who controls the government
from a secret underground bunker
outside Washington DC.
- I've been there. - You have?
Wo... as a prisoner!
Will you help me?
Sign me up.
Why are you putting him on ice?
Is he part fish?
No no no no no, he just
gets like this when his
protoblood starts running low.
But if you get his
temperature
down low enough,
he works a lot better.
- Well, a bit better. - So, it's just the three of you.
- That's all? - Yep.
Stan, Xev and Kai.
Just the three of us.
Er - but I'm not
from around here,
so I don't understand
exactly who you are.
I'm Field Commander Moss
of the American Freedom Rangers.
What's that card say?
It says I'm Special Agent Moss
of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
You see, on April 20th,
1993, I had a revelation.
And that revelation told me
to fight the beast from the inside.
April 20th 1993
was the day after Waco.
If you do the math,
it makes sense.
April 20th 1993.
April's what, the fourth month?
4 + 2 + 0,
you get what? 6.
Take the 93.
Subtract 3 from 9 you get what?
Your second 6.
Take that 3, add it to the other 3, you get what?
Your third 6. That's 666.
I mean, you can go at it any way you want.
April 20th 1993.
20. 1993.
2 + 0 + 1
+ 9 + 9 + 3,
and you get what?
24. Divide 24 by 8.
8 - that's the number of ranking Democrats
in the House Judiciary Committee.
And you get what?
3. Multiply 3
by 222 -
James Earl Ray's
hotel room number
at the Excelsior,
in Memphis, and you get what?
666. Again.
You know what 666 means, don't you?
It's the number of the beast.
What's the beast?
Beast.
Hey!
Is this Idaho?
- Yes it is. - Totally excellent!
We made it!
Canada is, like, my favourite country.
I love the tacky uniforms,
like, totally dated -
post retro, even.
So -
who are you guys anyway?
American Freedom Rangers -
Idaho Convention of 94.
Not to be confused with the crazy old AFR.
Who are you?
I'm Gordon, and this is
my girlfriend Skankita.
We're drug addicts.
Not to be confused with
normal people.
Why is Canada your favourite country?
Because - ! Drugs are legal here -
I hate the States, man, they are like
so uptight if you just,
like, do lots of drugs.
Like we do.
Drugs are legal on
Canada, right?
We wouldn't know.
- Why is that? - Because Idaho is one of
the United States of America -
drug boy.
Oh.
You know...I did not realise that.
Wanna buy some crack?
Take the 1 from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Split it in half.
Take the two halves.
Now,
attach them to the two zeros.
What have you got?
Pennsylvania Avenue.
Coincidence?
I don't think so!
There are no coincidences, my friends.
Fact 1 - a seemingly stupid,
but in fact criminally clever
Vietnam vet
MIA is elected President.
Fact 2 -
a female real estate agent
from Miami is made Pope.
Fact 3 - alien carrots invade the Earth.
Fact 4 - Mars and Venus
disappear from the night sky
without a trace or an explanation.
Fact 5 - well,
you know what Fact 5 is.
- 666? - No!
Fact 5 is you.
Aliens having truck with the ATF,
the Pope, and the White House.
No, no, no. Look, listen pal,
I'm not a hundred percent with you
on anything that you're saying here,
but it's clear that you are a rebel,
and you should know,
that Stanley H Tweedle
has always been on the side
of rebels and heretics.
So what you doing having truck
with Isambard Prince of the ATF?
I am not having truck
with Isambard Prince!
You know Isambard Prince, don't you?
Well yeah, unfortunately.
Well, doesn't he sound like
an English guy to you?
Yeah, I suppose.
It's a well known fact
that all English are homosexual.
It is also a well known fact that
all homosexuals lie.
So the head of the ATF
is a liar. Am I right?
- Not anymore. - No? Why?
Kai killed him.
Kai killed who?
- Him. - Isambard Prince.
Kai
killed Isambard Prince.
Lucky.
I can't watch this anymore.
Let's just make love.
I want to, Bunnykins, you know I do.
But Prince might see us.
That's not Prince,
that's a TV.
We could turn it off
and never ever turn it on
ever again if we wanted to.
Why are you disturbing me?
You know I don't take calls anymore.
Not from the UN, not from the Pentagon,
and especially not from the FBI,
so just tell him
to have a bad day and
stay far away from me.
Who?
The FBI says Stanley Tweedle is trying to call.
Oo - what message
do they say they have from Isambard Prince?
And are you sure he said Isambard?
You know Isambard is away
on a special mission.
Far away.
Yes yes of course they can come here.
Umm, very good.
Please arrange it.
What's the FBI?
The Federal Bureau of, umm -
Intoxication!
I think.
- What do they do? - I think
they go after whiskey smugglers,
from Canada.
Yes, Moss, yes.
Excellent.
Remember Waco.
We're in.
- Stan and Xev are here to see you. - Yes yes, good good,
- send them in right away. - And the FBI agent?
Yes, him too.
They are here.
- Hi Stan. - Hi.
- Hi Xev. - Hi Bunny,
- Mr President. - Where's Kai?
In the freezer.
He's running low on protoblood
and isn't working well, so we didn't bring him.
Hi,
You must be the FIB agent - Mosley, was it?
Moss.
You did a good job in bringing them to me.
Yes yes - a very good job.
Thank you, you can go now.
On your knees.
Excuse me?!
On your knees, Mr President.
Are you, err...? Yes.
No, no, not really?
You don't sound like Isambard.
I am Isambard Prince.
You are my servant.
Kiss my hand.
- Is he Prince? - Yeah.
In a different body.
Yeah, I mean who would have thought that Prince
could come back as somebody else
on this planet too?
But -
Prince is in the TV -
- isn't he? - Of course he's Prince.
He was in the TV before
and now he's here with us.
Here he is, Prince, the ruler
of the planet - Water.
Water?!
Are you trying to test me?
Oh no no no, of course not my prince.
It was just a little slip,
that's all, I meant of course to say
the planet Fire.
You are my prince.
All him, all the time.
I don't think he is Prince.
Why not?
I don't know. I just don't think
he's Prince.
You doubt I am who I am?!
Of course you are you.
- I am to dominate! - And I'm to obey.
- All the time! - In every way.
- Whatever I say! - Every day.
- My wish - - is my command.
My desire -
is my every instruction.
Good. Good. Stop.
It's so good to have you back, my prince.
What bad things
should we start doing?
What chaos should we cause?
It's good to be back.
But
I don't think that anyone will recognise me
as Prince in this body.
I don't think they'l grant me any authority,
so - I think that what
we need is for you to write
an executive order
authorising this body,
which goes by the name of Moss,
as the new head
of the ATF.
The belly of the beast.
Kai, are you OK now?
OK...
I don't think it's cold enough.
As the new director of the ATF,
my first order of business
is that if
any of you know
or hear
of any ATF officer
talking like an English guy,
you know,
using an English foreign accent -
- they're to be eliminated. - Yes sir.
Second order of business
is to deal
with the most disloyal, lying,
betraying, terrorist organisation
in this country. I'm speaking of course
of the American
Freedom Rangers Idaho Convention
of 1994.
Not to be confused
with the AFR
originals,
who are all dedicated patriots
Well I'm confused. What's the difference
between American Freedom Rangers here,
and American Freedom Rangers
in -
someplace else?
The difference?
The difference is that we are the AFR,
and they are the AFRIC!
Could it be any clearer?
The difference is that
we are Americans,
and they are Pharisees.
The difference is
that we fight for the freedom
of the individual, and they are splittists!
Oh, splittists!
Oh, right.
This is the exact location of their headquarters.
I want you to find them,
hit 'em hard, take no prisoners. Understood?
They will be eliminated, sir.
OK -
what about the space shuttle?
You know, the little thing
that flies around in space
that you said you would get for us if we helped you out -
which I think
it's more than fair to say
that we have done.
We want to get off this planet
and return to the Lexx - now.
We're going to that right away, but in a
modified version.
- What do you mean? - Well,
the third order of business has changed
from getting you a space shuttle,
to getting you an AFR court martial.
OK -
what's an AFR
court martial?
It is a proceeding run by
a group of fair minded men
to determine the guilt or innocence
of anyone accused of being
in the service of the beast.
No no no no no no no.
You gave your word
you would get us a space shuttle.
Yeah, what is all this stuff about
honour and everything if then
all you do is go ahead and break your deal?
Yeah! We helped you out,
we gave you all the information you needed
to convince the President that you were Prince!
You have to help us, you agreed.
Yeah!
As an American,
I'm honour bound to keep my word.
But you're aliens,
you're not Americans.
And there's no code on Earth
that obliges me
to keep my word to you two.
Cuff 'em.
You can't...
You can't do this to us!
He just has, Stan.
Feeling better?
- No. - Hey,
you finally answered a question.
- Who are you? - My name...
my name is... is..
my name is?
Go on, son.
Who
would you kill me to lick,
me?
Good.
- Good. - Good.
I think you're ready to stand trial.
- Good. - I was worried, we were gonna
have to put it off but I think you're ready to go right away.
Good.
And it'll be a proper trial -
not one of those typical legal
circuses that clog
the courts of America,
no, and when it's over you'll have a quick
and honourable death,
a soldier's death.
Bullet to the heart -
none of this
lethal injection nonsense.
Non... Nonsense.
Are you sure it's Prince?
Yes Bunnykins, I'm sure of it.
One hundred percent sure?
No, not exactly one hundred percent,
- but it doesn't matter. - What do you mean,
it doesn't matter?
What I mean is that it really doesn't matter
in the end whether it's Prince or not.
It's just a lot better for me,
for you First Lady Bunnykins,
and for the presidency
to have someone in charge again.
Did we eliminate all the AFRIC terrorists?
Sir, we raided their headquarters
with a strong force as you ordered.
We did manage to eliminate the bulk of them.
And by bulk we mean - ?
Well - a few managed to escape sir
by an unusual means.
An unusual means?
Sir, they evaded us in some kind
of weird flying bug thing.
Weird flying bug thing?
Yes sir.
Well, here's what we do, captain.
We round up all our weird
flying bug exterminators.
We put together
a weird flying task force,
and we hunt those terrorists down.
Eliminate them - all of them.
Hey, hey look.
I know that you don't think
that we're rebels, but really we are.
See - look, I was an assistant deputy
backup courier for the Ostral B heretics
fighting against His Divine Shadow.
And then after that,
I was a... a...
security guard class 4
on the Cluster, so look,
is there some kind of an assignment,
you know, that you might want me to do?
Well, I can be pretty
flexible you know,
it doesn't matter, whatever you want me to take on -
Give it up Stan! He wants to kill us
and I don't think he will change his mind.
This court martial is now
in session.
Your honour,
we live in a sick,
I say, a sick
society.
This once proud land
is riddled
with noxious
disease from top
to bottom.
There's body odour
in the body politic.
There's a head cold in the head of state.
We must purge
the corrupted organs.
And when you look
on these defendants
you see
the social
dis - ease.
Hey hey hey hey - I got no
social disease, buddy!
We just want to get off this planet.
My dear young lady,
I would be delighted, I say delighted
to be able to execute
your wish -
Ah, your honour, objection,
objection your honour.
It's not the part
or the place of the prosecution
to pass sentence.
And if I were you your honour I'd
take umbrage, I'd take a lot of umbrage.
I'd take this much umbrage.
Under the constitution my clients
are presumed innocent until proven guilty.
Well I would never,
never
deprive these clients
of their constitutional rights -
even if they are aliens.
Even if they did blast
two of my personal favourite
planets out of the night sky.
What did you do to Mars
and Venus?!
What are Mars and Venus?
Oh, they're planets numbers 2 and
4 in the solar system.
Numbers which even an alien
must realise add up to 6!
I don't remember blowing up any planets
in this system except Fire and Water -
so that means we did not blow up
Mars and Venus.
Well, who did?
This is this
space junkie here,
this punksicle?
Objection your honour -
if he ain't gonna make sense,
that's one for the defence.
Objection sustained.
By the way,
Mr Defence -
you're a good looking man.
Mr Prosecutor,
you may proceed with caution.
Stanley Tweedle,
did you ever blow up
any planets
in this system?
No, I never blew up any planets
in this system!
Except for, you know, maybe one -
thing, that probably wasn't
a planet anyway.
Would you share
- with us? - Well,
when I was just testing
the Lexx's weapon, you know, just
target practice,
I did blow up this, this one
lumpy thing, it was really far away,
I think you call it Pluto?
Your honour, the defendant
has confessed to
plutocricide!
Objection your honour -
he's not on trial for
plutocricide.
Well maybe he should be.
Oh yeah?
Yeah! Says who?
Says me.
And who are you when you're at home?
Maybe you should ask your momma.
You run your mouth, you going south.
It's lucky the defendant
is charged with blowing up planets,
not blowing up oranges.
Well, if he blew up an orange -
objection, your honour!
If you can't do the rhyme, don't do the crime.
Objection sustained.
Just listen, will you just listen!
We didn't blow up any planets
in your solar system -
except maybe Fire, Water, maybe Pluto -
because we couldn't.
And why is that?
Because we lost the key to the Lexx
a long time ago, that's why we're still hanging around
your stupid planet!
We can't get our ship to fly away,
we can't get our ship to do anything,
including
blowing up planets,
and we can prove it!
Perhaps you could try.
OK. President Priest
knows that we don't have the key.
Ask him.
The defence calls President Priest.
President of the United States.
- I saw him! - Who?
Prince! He was there,
for a second on the TV.
President Priest.
Oo. Yes yes, of course.
Tell him I'll come right over.
It's the boss. I mean Prince.
I have to go over to his office.
I won't be long.
Feeling better?
My temperature has dropped,
I'm feeling more myself,
- yes, thank you. - Kai.
I want you to use your brace,
- soon. - Tell me son -
what is this brace thing?
You use it to shoot down planets,
or to kill people, or
to peel oranges?
I have k-k-k...
- I have k-k-k... - Aw, spit it out son.
Are you a k-k-k-killer
or a k-k-k-kabuki dancer?
I have killed mothers ...
I have killed proud young mothers.
Old.
Good old mothers ...
evil mothers.
Please, son -
raise your hand when you come
to the end of that sentence.
- So I... - Now -
Xev, is it?
Why, I said why,
are there 3 of you?
There are 3 of us,
because that is the number we are.
If you divide it by 1,
it is still 3,
because there are 3 reasons
why you should let us go.
The first one is,
that we have not done anything to you.
The second one is,
that all we've ever tried to do,
is get off this planet.
And the third one is,
that you are unstable in the head
and it would be best for all
if you just turned yourself in to the protein bank.
Yeah, that's telling him Xev!
Your honour,
the defendant is casting aspersions,
and I submit, your honour,
it's not coincidence
that they are 3 in number.
For if you square 3,
you get 9.
If you subtract 3
from each of the 9, you get 666.
They are 3 in number because
they are in the service
of the Antichrist!
Stan, what rhymes with nut head?
Butt head?
What this?
What did you say happened
to your moth ship?
It got stolen.
By who?
By Gordon and Skankita.
It was last seen in
Idaho,
heading west.
Mr President.
I'm here to answer questions
with the whole truth and nothing but the truth
in whatever way you want, my prince.
That won't be necessary.
As the judge of this court martial
it is my duty
to render fair and impartial
judgement on all who come before me.
Unfortunately, something more important's come up,
so -
guilty as charged,
you'll be shot by firing squad,
court is dismissed! Goodbye.
No! You can't do that.
I can be a ranger, I can go on missions,
I can be a good ranger!
I never liked Idaho!
I don't - oh, don't kill me!
What's the date?
I don't know, umm,
it's on the tip of my tongue but I forget
It's the 6th.
And what time is it?
Oh, it's six
afternoon.
It's 6 minutes after 6,
on the 6th day.
Mr President, there are no coincidences.
Kill him too.
No no no. No. Please my prince.
Don't I get a trial?
You don't deserve one -
and frankly, I'm exhausted.
But my prince,
you know that I will always
do whatever you say,
and that I am your loyal servant.
You fool.
I'm not Prince.
I'm Field Commander Moss
of the American Freedom Rangers.
??????????
Bunny, wake up.
Prince!
You're there on the TV.
Yes, I'm here.
Not so much on TV as in TV,
but nevertheless I am here.
Now Bunny listen carefully.
Why, what's the matter?
Is the President in trouble?
Yes, the President is in trouble,
and the presidency is in trouble.
There was a silly little trial
going on over at ATF headquarters
and it's gone off the rails,
so to speak.
I was not at all concerned
that Stan and Xev might be executed,
but it might inconvenience me
if the President - whom you love,
so dearly -
were to get shot,
and that is what will happen
unless you do exactly
as I say.
I love the President -
and I love the presidency.
And I will do
whatever you say.
Hello there.
I am First Lady Bunny,
wife of President Priest.
I think you know
who Field Commander Moss
of the American Freedom Rangers is,
don't you?
And I bet you'd like to know
where he is,
so you can
talk - with him,
or - whatever.
Weii, Field Commander Moss
is now the new head
of the Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco and Firearms,
which is located in a secret
underground headquarters,
just outside
of Washington.
You can't see it very well from the ground,
but from the air it's easy to spot
because it has a big oil tank
with a big hole -
in the top. So,
you know, things like helicopters,
or flying moths
can get down inside.
So go on down
and say hi,
to Field Commander Moss.
You know, for your country.
Xev, do that Cluster lizard thing now.
How?
I could have had you shot
by 6 men -
but I chose 7,
because 7 is the number of -
- luck. - This doesn't feel like luck.
Your deaths will be carried out in a manner
befitting those involved in the struggle -
even though you were on the wrong side.
But -
enough.
Any last requests?
Yes, me -
please don't kill me, I'm the President
of the United States.
We're killing you because you are the President
of the United States.
Then as President -
I grant myself a full pardon
for all my crimes.
Right.
- At arm. - No, wait, wait -
I got a request.
- Yeah? - Yeah. Kill Kai first.
Yeah, I request that too.
Kill Kai first, and then when he's dead -
then kill us.
You got a problem with that?
No. No way
no. No problemo...
Fine. Him first.
Ready.
Aim.
Fire!
There's only 6 holes.
The beast is upon us.
The Idaho Convention.
I knew it.
Gentlemen -
follow me!
Splittists!
1, 2, 3,
4, 5...
6.
Remember Waco.
All right, let's go.
I think I'll get back to the White House now.
Look, I mean we should have blown up that planet
when we had the chance.
Blow that planet.
We'll get our chance.